Redemption
by TruthxLiesxMagic
Summary: I do not pretend to be a good person. I know – have known ever since I can remember – that that is not the case. But I do know that I am not a monster. Songfic.


A/N: VERY angsty little Gol-centric one-shot here. Because if you hadn't noticed yet, I love Gol. Anyways. This is set when Gol and Maia ar ein the Silo, and Gol is reflecting upon the choices he made in life, how they were the wrong ones, and wondering if he's eternally damned. PLEASE review. This is the first time I've attempted a song-fic, so I hope it turned out okay. The song is 'Savin' Me' by Nickelback.

Disclaimer: I do not own Jak and Daxter, the characters, or the song used here. I'm just borrowing them for my fantard-y addictiction.

Warning: There's a very very VERY light reference to Acheroncest here, but if you don't like it, you can just interpret it as brotherly/sisterly love.

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_Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in_

It was strange, really, the way in which we were eventually thwarted. We, the strongest Sages of the most dangerous Eco. We, the likes of which that had not been seen for centuries, beaten by a child of light. Now look at us, trapped within this dark prison, tortured by the very substance that we sought to control. I feel the only thing that has stopped me from going insane already is the knowledge that I am not alone, that my soul is not alone.

_All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh, I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

No, the Precursors were not with us on that day. But then again, had they ever been? Had they ever, on any single day, hour, moment, shown pity on us? No… we were damned from the start, damned to live a half-life, drenched in darkness and deceit. Yet… there was one thing that could not be taken from us. Each other.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me_

I do not pretend to be a good person. I know – have known ever since I can remember – that that is not the case. But I do know that I am not a monster. Monster – the word refers to a beast, something incapable of compassion, remorse, and any emotion other than rage. That is not I. That is not who I am. I have felt my share of feelings in my time. Pleasure and pain, remorse and regret, sorrow and excitement, pride and frustration. And… love.

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story_

Sister, did I ever do wrong by you? I cannot remember ever doing so, yet my memory, my thoughts are sapped. If I have… Forgive me. As I have said, I am not a saint, a man of purity. How cold I be? But I swear I have tried to do what seemed right. Were my choices so wrong? Is that why we have been damned to this torture, never to die – or at least not quickly, at any rate – our souls never to know peace? Have I damned you to the fate I should have undergone alone? I realise I am repeating myself, but the thought that I could have saved you from this gnaws at me continually.

_And oh, I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

I… I remember the first time I encountered Dark Eco. The feeling of power was so amazing! And the feeling that I could avenge our parents, could make the scum that killed them for their beliefs pay. Is that where it started? The corruption and lust for that feeling to come again, grow stronger. And yet the thing that makes me so terribly afraid is the thought that if I could have my time again, be given the chance to make things right, I would do the same again. Does this mean I am beyond help, beyond the reach of light? Am I damned to drown in darkness for eternity?

_To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me  
Hurry I'm fallin'  
yeah, yeah_

Perhaps I should have listened to Samos when he warned me of the dangers of channelling Dark Eco. Was I truly so foolish, Sister? Why could I not see the wisdom to his words until we were trapped in here? Was it due to my own stubbornness, my certainty that I could make things right? Now look at what I have done. I feel I have betrayed you, Sister, you and our parents, by seeking darkness instead of light. I should have done more to separate wrong and right.

_And all I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh, I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

I love you, Sister, and I swear that I wish every time I hear you scream that I could have prevented you from having to share my fate. Why did I not force you to remain in the Citadel? Why did I not face the boy alone? At least then you would be alive. But then who am I to judge what would have been better for you? Perhaps it would have been worse for you to be alone, and Precursors alone know what the Sages – or perhaps the villagers – would have done to you had they trapped you. No, at least now, through the pain, we are together. I will never leave you.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me  
Hurry I'm fallin_

I will not hope or beg for redemption – I have done far too much to deserve it. But if the Precursors have ears for one man's plea, then I implore them to give me a chance to redeem myself. And if I truly cannot save myself, I can only pray that my sister's crimes are not so large or numerous for her to be trapped in this hell. A brother should never be put in the position where he has to hope his sister will die simply so she can escape a torture beyond imagination. And the final sting is that the fault is mine. If the gods are listening, please, if it is worth saving us, let us show what we can be.

_And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me_


End file.
